Friday, 7 December 2012

Here we go again…… the office Christmas party!!

It’s that time of year again, Christmas FM blaring in the office, mince pies in the shopping basket, a present list as long as your arm, let’s face it, it’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas!
This means a lot of things but one of them is the much anticipated Christmas work party. Nobody likes waking up with a dry mouth, a blinding headache and ‘The Fear’ , so we have come up with ten tips to ensure you don’t make career suicide (again) or have to face an embarrassing entrance to the office the morning after (again)! 

1.       Have a wing man
It’s always a good idea to appoint a wing man (or woman); this is your buddy and saviour for the evening, this person is solely responsible for ensuring you do not say the wrong thing, dance on the table, give your boss a lap dance, drink too much…the usual stuff. It’s also wise to decide before you’ve had 15 drinks what time you’re planning on leaving the party and also maybe arrange to share a taxi home (this can also be beneficial to ensure you don’t wake up in unfamiliar surroundings). 

2.       Strategic seating arrangement
Be careful where you choose (or get stuck) sitting at a meal if you’re having one or even in the bar or pub. You don’t want to get stuck in an intolerable conversation with your boss for the night that forces you to either nervously drink 10 bottles of wine or say something you’ll regret come Monday morning. Probably good to walk to the table in the middle of a group of people so you can be sheltered from having to give your boss sympathy laughs all evening! 

3.       No shots before your boss: One tequila, two tequila, three tequila….fired!!
Let’s face it, shots are never a good idea but we are human so mistakes happen! If your boss is knocking back the shots you’re sorted, take a big sigh of relief and head to the bar. The key is to always be more sober than him/her at all times! A handy tip here is to buy other people shots to make sure there is always someone more drunk than you. 

4.       Social media
We all know social media can be dangerous while sober but it can be disastrous with a few drinks on board. So if you’re prone to voicing your opinions via social media I would advise you to delete the app off your phone for the night that’s in it!  The last thing you want to wake up to is the vague memory of slating your Christmas party or the people at it….especially if they are your friend on Facebook! 

5.       Know your drink
Are you the type who knows red wine makes you cry but still drink it?? Don’t be that person!! If this sounds like you, do yourself and everyone around you a favour and stick to a ‘safe’ drink!! Again refer back to tip three; always make sure there is somebody more drunk than you!

6.       Don’t kiss the office ‘hottie’
Ok lets face it there’s always one!! Don’t let it be you this year, if you want to avoid the office gossip talking about it for the best half of next year keep your ‘sexy dance moves’ in check and don’t get too cosy with a colleague on the dance floor. It will be extremely awkward come Monday morning and thanks to iPhones there is bound to be photographic evidence. Again this is where your wing man comes in; he/she should rescue you before you get too frisky on the dance floor.  

7.   Try to stay on 2 feet
This one is especially for the ladies and their high heels…..try to stay on two feet, you will always be the person who fell doing Riverdance on the dance floor. That is all.

8.   Don’t call in sick the next day
If you’re unfortunate enough to have your Christmas party on a work night whatever you do make sure you get to work the next day. Do whatever you need to do to get yourself looking semi-decent and make your way into the office for a day of pretending like your fresh as a daisy! This is important for so many reasons; mainly for that fact that if you’re not there you will be the center of the gossip for the day! You can rely on your wing man here for an early morning wake-up call. 

9.       Divert the drama to someone else
If you find yourself in a situation where people are whispering about you the next day don’t worry about it, instead the sensible thing to do is make up a seedy and exciting story about two of your colleagues leaving the party together and sit back and enjoy!! 

10.   Give up!!
If you wake up the morning after your work Christmas party and find that your wing man abandoned you, you got stuck sitting beside your boss, drank ten bottles of wine, told him/her exactly what you thought of them, posted/tweeted your thoughts on various social media sites, cried on a colleagues shoulder, kissed the office hottie (or not so hottie for that matter), fell on your bum, threw up on the dance floor, and was too ashamed to venture into work the next day……sorry we can’t help you, you better get a new job!! Sure there’s always next Christmas!!